Losing Weight

Physically, I am losing weight, which is a bit bizarre because I'm eating a lot.  Is it the altitude?  But this post goes much deeper than that.  Mentally, spiritually, and emotionally, I feel like I am shedding a lot of the angst and hassle and pressure of modern life.

When I first got here, I was so annoyed by how simple my life is, and by how much of each day is completely beyond my control.  Slowly, as I have settled into this life, I have come to see the beauty and freedom of living so simply.  I don't have a mirror, so I don't put on makeup.  It's really cold in our house, so I just pile on whatever clothes are in front of me - completely mismatched and looking insane.  But I just don't care about how I look.  Not having a mirror, I don't even know how I look.



I don't really have any decisions to make each day; there aren't any options put before me.  I just eat breakfast and shower and work on my education project and eat lunch and work some more and watch some TV and eat dinner and share stories with my housemates.  Yesterday, we downloaded and watched "Doug" -- do any of you remember that?  From your childhood?

I don't feel stressed.  There is hardly anything I worry about each day, except maybe to wonder if my clothes are finally going to dry (after 2 days on the line) so they don't smell like mold.  But I have to release control over that, too.  As for the work I'm doing,  I do it just because I want to, because I see value in it, not because I have any deadlines or anyone asking me to get it done.  I just want to be useful, helpful to the people here, which pulls (rather than pushes) me to move forward.

I feel a lot more open, like there is less weighing on my mind, like I can see the world from a position of standing back a few paces and just wait and watch what happens.